On most mornings when it comes time to write, circling in my mind, filling my soul and forming itself into words is my strong sense of hope. Hope is one of the most powerful forces in my life and, when I am thinking rightly, it dominates all that I am. God rescued me at age twenty-four from a hopeless, helpless existence and since those early days of being graced to emerge from death to life, I have found it near impossible to live in any ongoing sense of inevitable defeat. Simply put, I believe God has granted victory to those in Christ and therefore I cannot fathom my life resulting in anything but eventual triumph. Yes, most mornings here in this place I like to communicate to you who read that there is available hope. Today is not one of those days. Not because hope isn’t valid and attainable – no it is still all those things. The reason I’m not blogging with a hopeful scent today is because I am allowing something else to own my thoughts. I am purposefully allowing righteous anger and compassionate heartbreak to come to the fore because I am living in another season where I am a reluctant bystander watching marriages that were knit together in the presence of God fall to pieces in the absence of commitment.
“How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan lies slain on your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me…” – 2 Samuel 1:25-26 {ESV}
This post likely won’t be received well by everyone but, honestly, I do not care today. I am not distressed for my own sake, for this issue of crashing marriages is far greater than what it might mean to me. I am not annoyed, I am grieved. I am not depressed, I am angry. I am not confused, I am sickened. With the epidemic divorce rate in the American church, how can we remain blind to the massive challenges which confront every single Christian family? My home is no different than any other concerning what is faced in day to day, year to year life together. Financial demands, differing personalities, disappointments and pressures, colliding sin natures among the various members in each family, belligerent selfishness and blind pride…your home and mine are susceptible to these forces and this will never change for us because we have residual effects from original sin. When you add to the mix that Scripture clearly details that Satan resists anyone who has committed their lives for the glory of Christ, then we must awaken in clear recognition that the likelihood of our homes ever thriving is contingent upon the active presence of God through us. Yet all around us husbands and wives are losing the battle incrementally in tiny surrenders. Marriages that fail do not implode in a day but erode over time. With countless hours of marriage counseling under my belt I have found that it ALWAYS boils down to this one factor when a marriage fails: one or both of the spouses became selfish and remained selfish until the potential for rescue was gone for good.
Please understand my words today as not being from some scolding, pious idealist who is perched upon the top of Mount Know-It-All as he looks down through his nose at those in struggling homes. Friends, I’m in the trenches every week where the war is bloody and chaotic – my hands get dirty and my heart feels the pains of those who feel that there is no way to recover what once was. Marriage can be the height of bliss or the hell of battle and, were it not for the grace of God and the commitment of my own wife in the first three years of our marriage, there is no telling where the Lyles would be today. I get it, ok? I understand how hard it can be to foster and protect a healthy home. I really do get it and my point today is not to declare a holier-than-thou position. There needs to be an appeal to all of us to recognize that our homes are under assault – not theoretically but actually. Things may be great for your family today but, should you begin to take that domestic sweetness for granted, your home can go south with a quickness. Unresolved anger, fermenting bitterness, un-communicated expectations, failure to appreciate your spouse, workaholism, jealousy, infidelity, nagging, lack of time together and a much longer list of erosive elements are chipping away at many marriages. If we are not proactively building our families then we are surrendering blessing daily. God is able. Hear me, God is able! He will work through one willing heart even if other hearts in the home have shut down to His purpose and plan. Jesus Christ raises the dead and makes the blind see and transforms the very natures of people who look to Him. He is not perplexed about what needs to happen in our homes for us to be deeply satisfied and for Him to be greatly glorified. He’s looking for at least one person in each home who will humbly bow to Him on a daily basis and declare in dependence, “I’m here, Lord. I’ll be the one in my family today through whom You can work. Bless my family…and do it through me. I’m volunteering to pay the price because our family is worth it.”
The once-mighty can indeed fall as we read above in 2 Samuel 1:25-26. Those who have been such a blessing to us in days past can wind up as casualties of the war, lying motionless on the battlefield. As is written in that same passage, it is distressing… and some days I just can’t hold it in. For those of you in a good place with your family right now, maximize that goodness. Build on it. Make far more deposits on behalf of one another than you do withdrawals. For those of you hurting, fearful and wounded on the battlefield: take these verses below into your heart, live them out in your home and then see if God doesn’t begin to effect change and resurrect hope.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith…” 1 Peter 5:6-9 {ESV}
Could be a sermon one day!! Hint hint! Ha
Amen brother