Do you implement a proactive involvement to the process of your own spiritual growth? Have you come to the place where you recognize that the condition of your life is some type of reflection of the God you love? Speaking with many people across a wide spectrum of personalities, philosophies and preferences I’m finding that many cannot articulate “the thing” in their lives upon which they are aware God is currently working. There seems to be an absence of awareness that there is great need for change in our lives. My personal thought is that a growing follower of Christ should be acutely aware of the activity God’s Spirit engaged in making that believer more like his or her Savior.
I know my own weakness. God is patiently crafting in me an ability to lose my haunted heart. Regret and Guilt are two unwelcome guest that I allow to go in and out of my heart far too often. Every time they come in I listen to them accuse me. Every time they leave, they steal something that God gave me.
There’s no getting around the fact that I was a very bad person prior to coming to Christ. I’m unable to verbalize the degree of relief I experienced when I was set free from my sin in 1994. Candidly, I rarely feel a twinge of guilt about my life prior to my salvation because I was doing what unredeemed people do: I was sinning against God with no ability to do anything else. Even my occasional moral deeds were sin-coated because they were done in human pride and strength. What an awesome joy God provided when I understood that the whole of my past was taken away and the acceptance of Jesus Christ was given me. No guilt, no fear, a brand new start, a brand new creation. Jesus did that for me.
Then I discovered that, as a Christian, I could still sin. Selfishness was still a possibility for me. Pockets of arrogance could still clog the ventricles of my spirit. Anger and pride and lust and covetousness still occasioned my testimony. What was I going to do? God had graced and lavished me with such force yet my weaknesses were still a powerful reality.
Enter Regret and Guilt…and all their bellowing accusation: “Filthy Christian! You’ve angered God again – how could you!? You’d best expect some trouble for that one, Mister. You’re going to dare to rest in grace and the blood of Christ? How can you allow yourself off the hook that easily, Jeff? You must not take Christ’s work for you very seriously if you think you can just repent, confess and ask for forgiveness. Don’t you realize the extent of the wrong you’ve done against God?” More than once has that conversation played out in my mind and heart, seeking to cripple me as I’m caught somewhere between my theological confidence of full pardon and my emotional experience that I am as vile a Christian as could possibly be.
Accusation strikes like lightning
but
grace gives
the final
thunder.
God has been so faithful to continue to abide with me in my battle with this. He has shown me that my hunger for holiness is a good thing. He has shown me that being appalled at my sin is equally beneficial. Humbling me, however, He is also teaching me that a component of my faith which must be further developed is my need to confidently evict Regret and Guilt from the house of my heart. They are impostors, disguising themselves as Conviction and Truth whom God legitimately sends to bring me to repentance when I transgress. No matter how precarious it feels, I am certain that God’s will for me is, in the final say, to treat my sin in a judicious manner rather than an emotional one. I am to acknowledge my sin in brokenness, confess it in specificity, turn from it deliberately and forget it immediately. I am to slam the door in the face of Regret and Guilt and to turn the deadbolt on my heart’s entryway to those intruders. In short, I am to think purposefully on God and His abounding grace and turn a deaf ear to the relentless (but fading) shouts of accusation that can continue to haunt my heart. I have to listen to someone when I sin…why would I not listen to the One who rendered a final verdict and provided my pardon?
If you share my struggle then I invite you to do the same. I never want to lose my sensitivity to the exceeding awfulness of my sin. Yet I must own the process of how I view myself in my relationship with Christ when I do sin against Him. Guilt and Regret make me want to run away from Him because they tell me that He’s very angry with me. Conviction and Truth call me nearer, reassuring me as I approach His throne of grace that there is no need to fear this One who loves me most. This morning, as my weaknesses of yesterday stormed into my mind, I heard Conviction and Truth singing a harmonious duet with these words:
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
The words Slam the door in the face of regret and guilt spoke volumes to me! Thank you….I shall use it…funny how such a simple statement could be such an encouragement!
Exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you, Jeff.
I was also exceedingly glad to hear about Amy on Sunday. You have been been in our prayers and are thankful all is going well.
You are certainly not alone with your battle against regret and guilt, Jeff. While past and present sins are awful, the fact that you are attacked by regret and guilt is, ironically, a source of encouragement. The attacks mean that your conscience is tender and that you are close to your Redeemer – few attacks are hurled against those who have wandered off. Thanks for your transparency here – it’s encouraging to me. Give Amy and the children our love.