Christians, can we admit that in our darkest moments of doubt and struggle we find ourselves still not convinced of the greatness of God? We would never be so brash as to deny that God is good – holy, wise, powerful and faithful – but we deeply struggle at times to believe if His inherent goodness will continue to flow our way in proactive, personal benefit.
We read of His mighty deeds in the bible and wonder why we rarely (ever?) see that type of movement in our own lives. Truth be known, there are times when we might become very concerned that something bad in us has served to impede God’s good from ever reaching us. My dark seasons in the faith have been characterized, not with evil or terror, but with weariness, unrelieved worry and frustration at things which are beyond my power to remedy.
You know what personally ails you when life and faith seem to be immersed in a longstanding disconnect. You are well aware of your current and oft-repeated area(s) of prolonged struggle. You sense at times that there are places in your faith-journey where it feels that there is no faith at all, and that the presumed journey is at a complete standstill.
And then… out of nowhere…when it seems certain that God had been ignoring you…the Almighty does something to remind you that He has not gone anywhere. He leaves you with the undeniable reassurance that He is for you. He’s been there all along – just as He said in His ironclad promises to all of His own. When this occurs you find yourself declaring through relieved tears of joyful gratitude,
“Great and amazing are your deeds, O Lord God Almighty!” – Revelation 15:3
It is not always easy for us to move from sound theology to personal, engaged trust. Talking about God’s reliability is not the same as applying that confidence in your own personal mineshaft where you have sat cold, alone and adjusting to the dark for a while. My wish is that more Christians would speak candidly about their seasons of stuttering faith so that the rest of us would know we are not alone when he experience spiritual hiccups that won’t go away, no matter how long we hold our breath and swallow.
There are a handful of items on my personal prayer list which I’ve called out to God for almost three decades. Over the last six years there have been a few times when God took me to the eleventh hour and fifty-ninth minute before He showed Himself great on my behalf. Interestingly, I see that He has allowed some significant maturing to occur in these times where I’ve felt hung out over the chasm with no safety net.
What have I learned? The hand that holds me out over the chasm is the same hand that catches me when I drop. I am reminded today that God’s ultimate plan for us is not our comfort nor a life absent of significant changes and challenges. He comes through in big ways in our lives, but He doesn’t have to do that in order to remain good. He’s the God of undiminished goodness even while He makes us wait in His silence. If I were you I would keep waiting, praying and expecting something similar to occur in that one place that only He and you know about in your own life.
He is worth the wait and He is fully qualified to be fully trusted. Even when it feels like it is 11:59 PM in your circumstances.