There is an inherent risk in engaging the ministry of public preaching, teaching and writing. Your words are preserved and open for multitudes of people to remember, reinterpret, misunderstand or misquote. The particular danger of being misunderstood is the hardest for me to accept because misquotes and misinterpretations can be resolved objectively while being misunderstood is entirely subjective because the misunderstood one and the misunderstanding one are approaching the same issue from different angles. There is a scenario of misunderstanding that has played out in my life and ministry more than once and it revolves around the need for me as a herald of the Gospel to be truthful, bold and confident in what I say concerning Jesus Christ and His Kingdom. When a preacher speaks dogmatically he opens himself wide to being misunderstood as being arrogant, cocky and narrow. In nearly two decades of public preaching I have been told more than once, “You think you know everything.” When someone makes up their mind about you in that fashion it is extremely challenging to untie the knot of confusion. Nobody has said this to me in quite some time but it may serve me well to offer a simple denial: I know i don’t know everything but I do know some things. God works powerfully to keep me small in my own eyes and, truth be known, i probably err more on the side of reluctance than I do overconfidence. Maybe today I can season that particular kind of misunderstanding with a heavy dose of reality via some personal testimony about how God works in my heart.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10 {ESV}
About a year ago I was coming off a family vacation and feeling more physically rested than I had in years. However, inwardly and unknown to just about everyone in my life except Amy, I was profoundly struggling in my walk with God. For the better part of three years I had been convinced that my biggest battles were ministry woes. I had endured some fairly painful events and had not helped matters by offering the occasional less-than-spiritual response to some of those conflicts. Although God was blessing my marriage and personal life I was crumbling pastorally so I carved out five days on my calendar to abscond to the hills of North Georgia and spend some secluded time by myself in prayer, reading and thinking. The details of that prayer retreat would likely bore you so let me just summarize by stating that God showed me that my lesser ministry issues were nothing compared to the looming problem of my sinful heart. My struggle was not one of immorality but, rather, of faithlessness. Ironically, as one who is called to preach and teach the tenets of the Christian faith, I had forgotten how to believe God for my own life. What compounded the issue was that there was no magical moment up in those mountains last summer that revealed the solution to my dilemma – I came away only knowing that there was a significant problem within my heart. So I began to pray a very simple, if not pitiful, prayer to God. It went something like this during that prayer retreat and I reframed it countless more times in the months that followed until it began to be answered in me:
“God, I need a new heart. I cannot change me. The victory I preach to others is not my own experience. The brick wall I’m against is too high and too thick. I don’t need relief from pressure, I need You. I don’t need my opposition to shut up, I need You to speak. I don’t need a breakthrough, I need brokenness. I don’t need a surge of power, I need the substance of Your Spirit. You have saved me from my sin and now I ask You to save me from my self.”
No, I don’t know it all. I have never thought that I’ve known it all. I’ve meant everything I’ve ever preached and even when I have failed to trust God like I call others to do, I have honestly believed in my heart that He was worthy of that trust. Having said all of that I would also like to say that I am painfully aware that God’s plan for our lives must take us far beyond our own power, intelligence, provision and limitations. If you think that can occur in your life without some seriously intense battles then you are mistaken. Growing faith hurts. There will come a moment for all of us when we stop seeking relief and start seeking God Himself. This will look very different in your life than it does in mine but the result will be the same. You will come to the end of you and there will be a season of fear. It is here where you will discover whether you truly believe what you assume you truly believe. It is here where you will learn how far you wish to travel with Jesus Christ. It is here where the veneer of religiosity is melted away with the steady flame of humbling reality. Christ intends to take you all the way to glory and some of that traveling will be barefoot across the jagged rocks of you becoming aware of what you are not. Be prepared to spiritually bleed. Perhaps only a handful of you reading this are ready to welcome this kind of intrusive thought today. Maybe most of you are convinced that God is on the backside of all the problems you are facing waiting for you to trudge on through so He can meet you in pastures of calm. It may be that you still believe, with enough time and effort, that you can achieve spiritual nirvana on your own. Take it from a slow-learner: the best thing you can begin to do is cry out today in abject honesty before the Almighty and tell Him that you are requesting nothing less than a brand-new heart. Go ahead and bite the bullet as you confess that you desire a renewed spirit within you. Tell Him that you are done with the toil and that it is Him you need more than answered petitions, material resourcing, ministry anointing or fruitful results. Begin to give expression to your deepest hunger and you will eventually come to the realization that nothing short of a God-prepared heart will satisfy you.
Tell God that you desire Him above all. Keep telling Him that until you are convinced you mean it. Your mind knows it’s a solid thing to desire but your fickle heart craves something in addition to God. That’s why you need a new heart and an upright spirit. He is more than willing to accomplish this and is already working toward that end in your life. The old wineskin is dry and stretched to its maximum. It has served its purpose and will not hold the new vintage that God has harvested, pressed and reserved for you. Risk it; begin to call out today because the fullness of His answer may take a while to find you. It’s not slot-machine prayer where you pop in some words, pull the spiritual lever and hit your jackpot. This is your life and the intention of a holy God for that life. It requires a new heart and today is a great day for you to begin wanting it more than anything else you have ever desired.
Thank you for the challenge, brother
I fear that most of us lack patience, or courage, or desire, to want to “grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ” in the ways and to the extent that you describe … and our spiritual lives, and the spiritual temperature of our churches, reflect that.
I have always experienced you as ‘the real deal”. I know that none of us are perfect but the One speaking through you, is. I admire the spirit of truth, honesty, humility and courage to say what we need to hear. Jesus bless you.
Thank you for this Jeff, I have been feeling like that “dried out old wineskin”.ready to burst if anything dares to be poured in.
I always appreciate your blogs and sermons that are usually a wake up call for me and this is no exception.. I thank the Lord for you’re being
so transparent with ‘me’ us!.
I do not listen to the ones who “think they know everything”. I smile and nod and walk away for the well being of all present. ; )
But I listen to you.
All the Bible legacies had profound need. When they remembered this, God met their need. When they confused the true need with want, God cleared up that confusion right quick!
When teachers reveal their own need and show me how that need was met, or is being met, they have my full attention. As you have done so beautifully here.
This is the message upon which that “one last chance” for repentance rests. Anything less will result in more wearisome religion which will not hold up in the soon coming pressures from an inreasingly evil culture. Keep preaching it son!